“Elephants” Rachael Yamagata- hawks, elephants, tigers, and a warning about falling in love                                                                                                               And I am dreaming of them with their kill/ Tearing it all apart/ Blood  dripping from their lips/ Teeth sinking into heart

“I Don’t Like Mondays” Tori Amos cover version- I loved this song the first time I heard it, though it  has an eerie undertone for me now that I know it is about a school shooting.  According to someone at songmeanings.net, the person who was responsible gave as her reason for the shooting, “I don’t like Mondays, this livens up the day.”                                                                             Daddy doesn’t understand it / He always said she was good as gold/ And he can see no reasons/ ‘Cause there are no reasons/ What reasons do you need to be shown?

“We Will Become Silhouettes”  The Postal Service- I was singing this song to myself (I like to sing as long as no one hears me).  When I got to this part-    Because the air outside will make/ Our cells divide at an alarming rate/ Until our shells simply cannot hold/ All our insides in, and that’s when we’ll explode/ And it won’t be a pretty sight                                                                            -and I finally noticed just how gruesome this song is.  I am very squeamish, and I have no idea why I do not find this song highly disturbing.  Somehow in the song, the apocalyptic thing seems like it is just background, and I pay more attention to how it is affecting the singer’s emotional life. 

“Accidntel Deth” Rilo Kiley- Sometimes things don’t work out quite how you meant them to.                                                                                                                       The gun went off it was a mistake/ And my father was only eight/ And as he watched the dying deer, he was changed/ ‘Cause he felt sorry for what he’d done/ And then he put down his gun 

“Back In Black”-   AC/DC makes trying to avoid getting killed seem much cooler than it does in those Final Destination movies.                                  They’ve got to catch me if they want me to hang/Cause I’m back on the track/ And I’m beating the pack
 

Glacial sunset (image by J-fur)

I was recently reading over this post on Zen Habits and reflecting on the nature of change.  How does it occur? How do we best motivate ourselves to change? How do we get ourselves out of our heads in order to recognize that change does not have to be difficult or painful?

Over the past few days I have experienced my second major car accidents in as many years.  Last year I was devastated by the loss of my car.  While I did not experience the same feelings this time, I have been feeling frustrated and impatient with the insurance process. Initially I wanted the insurance company to settle with me right away. Then I became angry because they were not keeping in close contact.  Finally I realized that I was relying on anger and frustration to help get me through this time of uncertainty.  Change, while not comfortable in this circumstance, does not have to be painful or the source of discontent.

During this time of constant change, I will choose to reflect on the positive nature of changes and work to let go of my need for control.  Each thought will be an opportunity for practicing healthy, gradual mental growth.

     I enjoy swimming.  Unfortunately, I really hate cold water.  I am still hoping to go swimming before the summer is over.  On those occasions when I actually go into the ice water at Laurel or Fuller Lake, I like to float on my back and look up at the sky.  I find it quite peaceful. 

      Once when I was floating for a couple of minutes, I think I heard two guys discussing whether or not I was dead.  I’m not a scientist, but don’t people who are dead or unconscious float face down?  When I took swimming lessons, we had to practice something called a dead man’s float, where you just relax your body. Your back floats, and your face, arms and legs go underwater.  I imagine that is what happens to any person who is not trying to float (or they might sink completely).   Not only was I face up, but I was moving my arms and legs every so often to control my drifting.   Maybe they thought I was a zombie?

     I also like just looking at lakes and streams sometimes.  The way waves move across the surface, the way the light looks different when it is filtered through water, it can be quite beautiful to watch.

I have found that it’s all too easy for me to sit back and watch life pass by me.  As a full time student who works part time, I often find myself overwhelmed with work. I dream about the days, hours, minutes when my time will be my own, to be filled with whatever I deem most important.

All too often it seems that what I do with that time does not mesh with the daydreams and fantasies that I concoct during the busy periods of my life.  Currently I am on summer break. I had planned to read extensively (in my discipline), produce a rough draft of an article from my thesis, pick a dissertation topic, earn some extra money so that Tender and I could go to Lollapalooza, catch up on movies/tv shows/fiction that I’ve missed out on, get in shape and get my self-help issues under control.

Now, about half way through the summer I have managed to do the following things with regularity: sleep in til about 11 every day, watch t.v. and movies, keep my Facebook up to date, stay on top of celebrity gossip, clean out my gmail inbox and go on three vacations.  While not terrible (I’ve enjoyed the vacations in particular), the reality certainly has not matched with my dreams.

In looking for help, I’ve realized that part of my problem is just that: I spend too much time looking.  As sites like this one point out, thinking about something is not going to get it done.  Action is an important component to being motivated.  Spending so much time thinking and so little acting is what has prevented my progress.

So today, rather than yukking it up over demotivational sayings, I am going to take small steps with the goal of making those small actions a daily habit.

p.s. My apologies to SweetLemon for the illness. Next time the punishment will be less severe.

“Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things.”- Robert A. Heinlein

“I like the word ‘indolence’. It makes my laziness seem classy.”- Bernie Williams

“The idle man does not know what it is to enjoy rest, for he has not earned it.” – John Lubbock, 1st Baron Avebury

“Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.”- Mortimer Caplan

“I’ll put a quote later.”- Lazy Anonymous

“Laziness grows on people; it begins in cobwebs and ends in iron chains. The more one has to do, the more he is able to accomplish.”- Thomas Buxton

“Laziness is a virtue. Those who can be bothered to tell you otherwise are clearly lacking it.”- Emery Finkelstein

1. Small furry animals
2. Fruit crisps, especially apple and peach
3. hot showers
4. garlic
5. my bed
6. warm weather
7. wild birds
8. chocolate
9. compliments
10. shoes
11. sunshine
12. blue skies
13. blankets
14. crocheting
15. sewing
16. talking with friends
17. reading fiction for pleasure
18. massages
19. swimming
20. hugs

Waiting Through Twilight

at daybreak the shadows will dawn behind sunbeams

like guardians of the places between

as the empty places around us are slowly

illuminated at last

twilight turns the shadows

into clear angles of conclusion

like reaching fingers

sliding along

and away

on to the next thing

at nightfall the shadows will be sent on new errands

fleet of foot and 

definite in purpose

like clarion angels of the dark

breaths

dewdrop thin

of morning light always in motion

summiting the horizon

pour forth

tumultous

As a creature of habit, I come to rely on certain aspects of life remaining constant. Yet the teachings of many Eastern religions and philosophies suggest that in order to live a more content life, it is necessary to accept that nothing is constant other than change. Recently, my hair dresser of two years revealed that she was moving to another state. I also totaled my car and found out that my yoga studio was relocating to another location 10 miles away (it is currently 2 miles away).

In the past, any one of these events alone would have been enough to ruin my day. However, after learning of or experiencing each change, I tried something different. I imagined myself as a smooth pebble in the middle of a rapidly moving shallow creek. The water flowed around me while I remained sturdy. The movement of the water around me would change me over time, but it did not have to have an impact in the moment in which it occurred. Thinking of myself in relation to changes in this way helped me cope with really unpleasant things while they were occurring or while I relived them in the past. Of course, there are much worse things than having a hairdresser or yoga studio move, but this image helped me to put this into perspective.

I’ll leave you with the image that helped to inspire me to think this way, from the state park I used to work in (a place that gave me many peaceful days).